Would the messiah say something new?

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Rabbi Michael Gotlieb wrote an op-ed piece in the WSJ entitled “Why This Rabbi Loves Christmas” (http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-this-rabbi-loves-christmas-1482450895). In the essay he writes: “[I]f the messiah were to appear, or reappear, what would he say that hasn’t already been said? I assure you that there would be nothing new, no surprises.”

Really? How sad. I think the messiah would say much that is new. Here are some examples:

  1. God doesn’t dabble in real estate.
  1. Darwin was right. Dawkins, however, is missing the point.
  1. All holy books speak through metaphor. Literalism is dumb.
  1. “Those who live by the sword die by the sword” (Matthew 26:52) applies to guns and nukes as well.
  1. Stop demonizing people over sexual preference, gender identity, ethnicity or religion. In fact, stop demonizing people—period.
  1. I had women apostles. Ordain women.
  1. Fetuses are not persons. Neither are the brain dead.
  1. I said “suffer the little children,” (Matthew 19:14) not “cause little children to suffer.”
  1. Thou shalt not murder includes the death penalty, honor killings, and terrorism.
  1. Hell is a sadistic fantasy. If your obsession with it lasts longer than four hours, get help.
  1. Stop eating pork. No, check that. Stop eating flesh. See Genesis 1:30.
  1. God isn’t white, male, or tribal; God has no religion; God doesn’t choose, save or damn; God isn’t freaked out by foreskins or clitorises; and God has no fashion preferences, except maybe a fondness for the Borsalino fedora of the Lubavitchers.
  1. God doesn’t change; neither does a Twinkie. God died and came back. So did the Twinkie. This might be important. Or it might not. You decide.
  1. Humans cause climate change. Stop.
  1. If your clergy say God told them to buy a private jet, they’re lying. If you give them money for the plane, you’re an idiot.
  1. God doesn’t dole out virgins as prizes. If you want a prize buy a box of Cracker Jack.
  1. Any God you can imagine isn’t God.
  1. I have an older sister. Her name is Sophia (Proverbs 8:22). Check her out.
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6 Responses to Would the messiah say something new?

  1. Erick Reynolds December 26, 2016 at 2:47 pm #

    So, what you’re saying is that the new messiah would readily adapt to product placement and name dropping as part of his/her message. Any clue which social media account? I didn’t think Twitter would work but messiah messages may be more concise than I thought.

  2. Erick Reynolds December 26, 2016 at 2:54 pm #

    Nice enigmatic riddle at the end. I learned something new today. Thanks.

  3. Erick Reynolds December 26, 2016 at 5:36 pm #

    19. I have appeared countless millions of times in many forms but few if any were listening and fewer recording. Don’t get stuck on a couple myths. But listen to messages from unexpected places.

  4. Agnes Dippner December 30, 2016 at 5:32 pm #

    Shall I comment or shall I not ? I don’t know … So I do it.

    I tell you about “my Jesus”.

    If I would put words in the mouth of the coming Jesus he would say this :

    Be happy ! Enjoy life !

    I overcame the worldly father’s wrath. And I’m doing so again and again and again …

    I am the Love and Indulgence and Patience of the Father in you and in the whole world – now and forever.

    I and the Father’s unconditional Love are ONE.

    I am always new and fresh and liberating.

    I am breathing right now – in you and in the whole world.

  5. Jordan January 31, 2017 at 8:49 pm #

    Shalom Rav,

    In #5 above, not “sexual preference” which implies a choice, but “sexual orientation” which doesn’t.


    • Rabbi Rami February 7, 2017 at 5:42 pm #

      Thanks for that.

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